NGE Comedy Night
by Ghost of Meat
Summary: Misato and Ritsuko go to a comedy club never expecting who they find on stage...some OOC and cursing. I may add to later on, but for now a oneshot


**Disclaimer-Don't own anything with a copyright at all, but you knew that**

**A/N Just something I thought would be fun**

**NGE Comedy Night**

One shot…Maybe

Ritsuko and Misato sat in a local comedy club enjoying their evening off. Misato had wanted to get out and Ritsuko had heard about a new comedian at the place. They sat about halfway back from the stage as the precession of comedians came through. After a rather enjoyable evening the time of the "last call" performance came

"Alright this is our last show of the night, this guy has become a regular here, lets hope he stays for a long time lets give it up for Tokyo 3's own Shinji Ikari"

Ritsuko and Misato just looked at one another and tried to be as inconspicuous as possible as the crowd roared and Shinji walked out onto the stage wearing his normal black slacks but a black t-shirt instead of his white normal. His walk was also different, confident, both questioned if this was really their Shinji.

He walked up to the mic, plucked it from its stand and began

"Damn you guys sound pumped"

The crowd cheered again, after they calmed down he continued

"Have you ever noticed that most comedians come out here and ask you "by a round of applause show me how good you feel"…doesn't that get to you after a while"

Some of the crowd laughed but you could tell they were all enjoying themselves; Shinji's easy going attitude had won them over already

"I mean come on, that's like an EMT asking some guy in a car wretch SIR BY A ROUND OF APPLAUSE HOW DO YOU FEEL…oh god he's not clapping CLEAR"

He made the movements of shocking some one with the pedals

"And he's like"

He then dropped to the stage and acted like he was the one being shocked. After the 2nd time he weakly raised his arms and began to clap

……..I'm ok……

He then dropped to the stage again as if he had died and the crowed laughed, he then stood again. He pointed to one of the guys in the audience who was rolling laughing

"You know what I'm talking about don't you…yeah you do…."

After a few moments to let the crowd calm he continued

"We've all had shitty jobs right, all of us have had shitty jobs. The one I have now isn't that good and the pay sucks for what I do but, I've had worse, before I moved here I lived with my uncle, he made me get an after school job…two words…Burger King"

The crowd rolled with laughter for a moment, once they calmed down enough he continued

"My cousin got me the job to, my cousin got me the job…he was the manager…and he got me the job, you think that would be cool and all…be cause he's my cousin and all….but he was a dick!"

the entire crowd roared, after a moment he went on

"He though he was the burger king you know what I'm saying…..he use to put me on drive through every night….why do people insist on yelling at the drive through….you know its modern tech I'm sitting there with my head set like "hi welcome to burger king may I take your order"

"WHOPPER!!!"

He pulled back as though his ears were hurt

"Sir "

"WHOPPER NO ONION, LARGE FRY!!!"

He pulled away again

"Uhh excuse me Chewbacca, uhhh…..I'm bleeding from the ears here Pachino lets calm down….alright were dealing with food not missiles here governor now DRIVER AROUND"

Everyone died laughing; Misato and Ritsuko even had a hard time controlling themselves. Misato thought she would wet herself. He continued a few seconds later

"Ever been in a bad relationship…everybody has…I call that a "Relation-Shit"

Once the crowd calmed he went on

"Yeah everybody's has those….its like no one can be adult enough to go "you know what come here…uhh, were fucking over aren't we….alright you go that way I'll go this was it was good times", nah…lets just stick around for 5 or 6 years so we can end this thing violently"

Again the audience died laughing where they sat

"Girls you will stay in a relation ship for years with a guy you done even like…and they always give the stupidest reasons for doing it "I can't just leave its not that simple, it's not that simple…my CD's are in his truck"

The audience went into an uproar, Shinji continued when they calmed a bit

"Then you start getting in the weirdest fights, fights over nothing, its like "hey honey, why the fuck don't you put the DVD's back in order so I can watch Uncle Buck whenever I want… huh… now fight me for 3 days cause I'm board"

The audience roared with laughter

"Now men and women have 2 different goals here….men, we want to see you cry…not the heavy sobs, that's obnoxious knock it off…no…once we see just that little tear were like "HA HA I WIN, go talk to your mom for 4 hours I'm going to go play X-Box" you go and get your little head set one "yeah guys what's up I just made my chick cry, hey where the beam cannon"

He went on after a moment of guys cheering

"That's what we want, instant gratification. Now I'm going to share with you, why women, win 99.9 percent of all fights"

After a moment of the girls, including Misato, cheering he went on

"yep…yep and I'll tell you why right now, here its is, because you are mental terrorists"

Everybody went crazy for moment, once they calmed he went on

"You are Brain Ninja's, and you know how to use your Katana and _SHINK_, and just cut us, and disappear into the night!"

They laughed for a moment

"Now here how it's going to happen guys, I'm going to help you, so you know when it's coming and maybe try to stop this encounter. In the middle of it, she will stop and change her game up…You know its coming when she starts agreeing with everything your fucking saying…and when she does look out! Cause you've just driven into fuck-ville…and she's the mayor!"

Again they went nuts with laughter

"Then she will drop a comment, and it will just be a small tick tack sized comment…but this is a fucking detonator, and she's going to say it and its going to go deep into your head and, 3 days later…30 days later it will explode on you from with in…and it will be a destroyer of worlds…when she's done she will pivot her body…and take 3 to 5 steps, 3 TO 5…she'll slow down, cock her head to the left and she'll almost say it at a whisper.. you know why."

He whispered into the mic

"To make you listen….and it will be something simple…"well you're stupid like your father"

The whole audience laughed

"And at first we won't even think about it at first. We have no idea that you just fucking ninja'ed our brain. then later on were pacing around "stupid like may father, he he……" and then it'll dawn on you…"MY FATHERS A BRILIANT MAN…you don't even know!!!"

after giving them a moment to calm Shinji went on

"and we guys always end a fight like that "you done even KNOW!!!" almost always….thanks a lot it was great being here GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!!"

and with that he walked off stage to the cheers of the audience.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

As they were heading out Ritsuko turned to Misato

"don't you dare tease him about this?"

Misato cocked her head

"and just why not

"because I plan to come back next week and if you start on him Asuka will hear and she'll tell everybody and he won't come back"

Misato narrowed here eyes

"pick me up first"

"deal"

**A/N I was listening to Dane Cook today and talking to J Says NO and he recommended this after I pitched it to him, hope you like it and the Re-Dux of Quote the Raven is Finished, once I get chapter 16 done I will do a mass re update…till then**

**Oh and this may not just be a one shot**


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